I am starting to think there is something seriously wrong with me. I haven't held my food down very well recently, migrane headaches that last 12 hours although I can block those out and function pretty well through the pain. My vision has gotten worse and I have been getting worn out real quick. Right now I don't want to know, maybe it's just exaustion from not sleeping enough but its hard to sleep when you feel like you've been kicked in the stomach and need to vomit. I am going to quit smoking. Bowling party is tomorrow for winning the inspection, sounds like fun, Jessy you are going end of story. I work 11:30 to 1:30 tomorrow yeah a bullshit shift and its up front so it's going to be easy all I am going to have to do is wipe the tables and call DRTs. I miss my dad, alot. I wish he was here I'd be so much happier. I'm looking forward to Six Flags. Charles and I want to start a fight club, for some reason I feel liberated after a fight even if I get fucked up, which has happend once or twice. There is something about dominating another human being and looking ito their eyes and seeing the fear, them knowing if you wanted to you could kill them. Don't get me wrong I try to avoid fights over stupid stuff but sometimes you have to throw down it's a matter of pride. The fight club is different its not two people settleing a problem with each other, its two people helping each other. I came to a realization, that this other girl I like will most likely never ever like me, sucks. Oh, well I guess I'll have to try and find someone at school, I know lots of girls who like me, but I don't like them. School is starting on the 18th, I hate that place. If you have never been to public school you're so lucky, its the worst place people who have never met me will come up and call me a faggot or queer. I get called "devil worshiper" by the blacks, or I like to call them the people God left in the oven to long. I'm going with Jamie wednesday to go see Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, that movie looks so righteous. Saturday I work 8-12 so after work I'm going to try and go to the mall to buy school cloths, if anybody I know wants to come call me.
Goals for my senior year- Do at least half of my assinments, kick anyones ass who talks shit to me, kill anyone to touches my sister after she say for them not to, kill Sean Seay, fuck up anyone who messes with David, Charles brother who's going to be a freshman, come to school drunk and make it through the day, get a blowjob at school, streak during the homecomming game with Charles, whip my cock out in front of a class, urinate in someones drink, spill milk on myself so I can go home, paddle 10 freshman on freshman friday (if I can get my ass beat by 20 people on my freshman friday they can take a few whacks), try to fuck Ms Campesse, cut pinkslips recieved from 10 to 5 at least, try not to get suspended when if I fight, and last but certainly not least get good grades.
Well I am feeling shitty but I can't stop typing. Gage and the crew are having a party at the Motel 8 and they had some alchol, and they invited me, guess why cuz they wanted me to buy more booze for them. I told them maybe but I didnt go. If they really wanted there they would have invited me before. Maybe I'm thinking to much but its things like that make me feel used. They probably didn't mean anything by it. I'm going to try and stop being overly generous so that people that get to know will like me for me not cuz I'll buy them something although don't get me wrong it I dont mind doing it, I need to just stop now.