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Jul. 30th, 2004 @ 11:26 pm If this is the end, then I'm dying with my pride
Current Mood: Just there
Current Music: I Hate Everything All About You- 3 Days Grace
I feel so sad right now, all alone, no one to be with. I wonder if it's worth it? Work was tiring today, I think I might have cancer or something cuz I've been getting worn out quicker and quicker as the days go by. If it is right now I welcome it. People I care for continue to hurt and I can't do anything. I want to do something for them and I think I know what, its going to be a surprise. I think it will help them. They have done more for me than I can ever express to them with words or actions.
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Jul. 24th, 2004 @ 11:54 am (no subject)
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Lake of Fire- Nirvana
Well Liz and I talked, it went much better than I hoped and we are still friends. Overall I've been doing good, working, and hanging out with friends. Charles spent the night yesterday, it was like old times, I miss that. We started to watch Underworld at 3 am and decided to watch it later. He had to be at work at 8. I took him to work and now I'm bored lol, I work 7-close which is a easy shift.
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Jul. 21st, 2004 @ 12:09 pm Watch the blood drip from my body
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Ones- Metallica
A lot shit has went down lately. It makes me sad to see everything falling apart. It makes me sick to watch friendships ruined, over stupid things that 10 years from now we will laughing at. Zach won't go out with Liz cuz I like her, he asked if it would make me uncomfortable and I said sorta but that you should go out with her cuz she likes you and I don't own her, HE not me made the choice but I'm hated for it. I'm not losing sleep over it but it makes me sad, Liz was one of the only people I tell things to that I can't tell anyone else. Charles and as far as I know Jessy aren't mad at me over the Toni finding out. I just want my friends, even the ones who hate me and blame me for things to be happy. I also found out the true situation where my dad's at. It's not getting covered but his friend back home who does intelligence told us that almost everyday they are getting attacked over and over, so that is making depressed. I knew it was dangerous but from the way he described it, its fucking scary. I wish I could see my dad and give him a hug or something. Hell I need a hug I haven't had a real hug in so long. I am think of doing something, but would it help in the long run no, but in the short term yes.
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Jul. 19th, 2004 @ 11:01 pm Smells like something
You are 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'
Smells Like Teen Spirit

What Nirvana song are you?
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Jul. 18th, 2004 @ 12:36 am (no subject)
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: Clown- KoRn
I told Liz how I felt, and she doesn't feel that way, it didnt bother me that much though. I just feel better for telling her.

Anyway Fuck being hurt, I'm more like angry. I was invited to this concert like 2 weeks ago before everyone but Gage. Anyway more people were invited and I got left out. Even though I ended up having to work it pisses me off. It's not entirely Charles' fault but you don't do that shit to people especially when they were the only mother fucker in the school who was your friend after dumping Toni. Next time I get invited to anything I'm saying no, actually don't even fucking invite me. I'm tired of this, I know its over something petty but its the principle. Anyway Toni and I made plans to go to OzzFest I can't wait.
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Jul. 16th, 2004 @ 09:03 pm Kiss Kiss Molly's Lips, Kiss Kiss Molly's Lips
Current Mood: deviousdevious
Current Music: Molly's Lips- Nirvana
I covered Charles shift today, it was originally 4-8 but they called me and said to be in at 2. We were busy today and I cant go to Charles' concert cuz I cant get there early enough to help set up. Now I'm here alone with nothing to do as usual, its a familiar feeling that doesnt bother me like it use to. Looks like Zach and Liz are going to go out soon, which is cool, Zach's really cool although a very very horny 17 year old high school senior LOL. I've known him since sophmore year, my dye my hair a different color each week year we would tear apart Jesse"Gary Coleman"Showers III, that boy was so black and told a story every day in Mrs Harms class. Zach if you somehow read this Malcom the Transexual Fish will NEVER die, he will always live on even in death. SUCKS TO BE MALCOM
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Jul. 15th, 2004 @ 03:14 pm Spit it up all over the floor, blood and three 5 piece chicken tenders from BK
Current Mood: drunkdrunk
Current Music: One Step Closer- Linkinpark
I got fucking drunk of my ass, puking all over the place and spilling my soul in front of everyone I think. I needed that real bad. Zach, Weeman and myself had a bonding moment at 3 in the morning. Anyway I got really sick and my friends were there for me putting cold rags on my head and making sure I stayed cool. I also smoked pretty much an entire pack of reds in 1 and 1/2 hours. Anyway my mom and I are still fighting, which makes me sad. I feel worthless and that I can never do anything right when she talks to me. It's always negative, never positive with her, I wish I could talk to someone who can relate. She said something about me living with my grandparents, while I love them, it would suck. I love it here.
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Jul. 13th, 2004 @ 12:47 pm I push my fingers into my eyes
Current Mood: Fuck This Shit
Current Music: Duality- Slipknot
Duality is such a kick ass song. No more telling people how I feel.

You are THE Kurt fan just like me!!!!!
you know everything there could possibly be about
him... hell you WORSHIP the guy! If you could,
you would track down all his ashes and
super-glue them together into a life-sized
module of him. I know I would!!!

How Hard does Kurt Cobain Rock YOUR Socks?!? (Cuz he rocks mine perrrty hard)
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Jul. 11th, 2004 @ 01:17 pm I'm so happy 'cause today i found my friends
Current Mood: rejuvenatedrejuvenated
Current Music: Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana
I woke up today very happy, for some reason. Hopefully I'll get to talk to my dad today. I went and rented Eurotrip the unrated version, I plan calling Charles and Gage and watching it, if I dont get called in. Next week I have more hours scheduled than everyone whos not a manager besides Jeff, I'm so happy. I can't believe how well things are going right now. I'm going to see Charles's concert on Friday. I'm going to try and get a group and go to Sixflags or something, get out some enjoy the day, seize and live for the moment, no more thinking ahead.
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Jul. 10th, 2004 @ 02:34 pm I love my belly button piercing
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Current Music: Children of the KoRn- KoRn
I got up and my mom took me to get my belly button pierced. I got a few stares from some chubby chicks, my mom mumbled somthing about them being jelous that I was skinny enough for it to look good on me LOL. Anyway I had plans but I don't know whats going on now, I have to call in, plus my mom made me go around town with her.

Apparently Liz's dad is still being a dick, that makes me mad to cuz even though we're not going out anymore I still care about her cuz she's my friend. I wish I could talk to her right now, she always seems to make me feel better. She's had a fucked up week, poor girl.
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